I realized that I could be thrashed left and right if this incident went into the ears of my parents. I found sunita in the adjacent room moping the floor. I went to her not knowing what to say. All I could utter was, “Sorry Sunita Didi. Please Knock the door next time. Please don’t tell it to anyone.” She replied with a grin on her face, “it’s okay. Lock the door next time.”I really thought that she would quit working in my home. But she didn’t, neither did she tell anyone. I was relieved and followed her instructions of locking the door. A few days later, I was masturbating again. Somebody tried to open the door, but it was locked. So, she knocked and called my name. I knew it was Sunita, but I didn’t reply, but continued my work. Suddenly, I noticed a shadowy part from the bottom of my door.I understood that Sunita was still standing there. So, I decided to moan while masturbating. I started moaning a little louder, just to make sure that Sunita could hear it.After few minutes, I. First, I have that little girl to think of. Second, I don'thave the money, and third, I look ridiculous dressed up," I said."I said the same things, once upon a time," she said."You have to be kidding me. You pass, totally." Again, thank you. But that's not how I saw myself at the time."I looked at her hard. Was it possible, that this totally feminine personbefore me felt the same way I did when I dressed up?"The thing is," she continued, "we are sometimes our own worst critics.We see the flaws so easily, and the good parts not at all. I'm willing tobet you have at least one person who has seen you dressed, and said youlook fine."I shook my head. How did this woman know my life so well?"Believe me, I know all the objections, all the barriers, Life is nevereasy for people who cross the gender line. But we are what we are, andtrying to be someone we are not to please others just doesn't work, atleast not for long." She continued.I shook my head again, and just looked at my daughter on.
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